This was a holiday that while I was in Munich with my friends almost didn’t happen. Not for any other reason than I was just scared. Really scared and incredibly nervous about traveling to a city completely by myself and without someone right next to me to turn to for support. My friends in Munich were really honest with me, they said it would be tough to be somewhere alone, were nervous for me, but they also didn’t want me to look back and regret not going because I was scared. Going to Paris was the easier of options for me, I’ve been there a handful of times before and knew the city well enough to know that I would be ok to get around by my self. Plus, it’s Paris, one of the most beautiful cities in the world. So after everything was booked we all sat down and created a little list of places that I wanted to to visit again, or didn’t get to see last time, but mostly to make sure that I would be doing something and not just sitting in the hotel, drinking wine and crying…
I really love traveling by train, so the trip from Munich to Paris was just so nice and such a good way to relax, think and decided that enough is enough and it’s now time to live my life for me. It took less than an afternoon of me being back in Paris to completely relax, regain a little confidence and settle into being in a city completely by myself. I never ever thought that I would like traveling by myself, and am just so surprised that I loved it so much. It really is odd travelling by yourself, but it was also the most exciting and liberating four days I’ve had in years. Of course, there were moments of loneliness, meals are hard, but I quickly got over that by eating breakfast (always a croissant and coffee!) while walking through the streets. Or just sitting in a cafe and learning the art of eating alone and just watching the world go by. It was beautiful. It truly was the most wonderful four days. It was just so nice to walk where I wanted to go, see the sites I wanted to see, stay as long as I liked in galleries, shop as much or as little as I wanted to and order the food that I love but wouldn’t normally get. Or simply take the time to sit in a cafe meet someone new who was able to look past the pain, see you for you, and remind you to stop and just look at what is around you.
Something that I have very much learnt the hard (and now refreshing/good) way this year. Is that your whole life truly can change in a moment. It took less than 8 weeks to loose everything that I’d known and loved for past 11 years, and less than four days in a city to remind me that I am ok. I’m not the damaged goods that Ben so cruelly told me I was, I’m not broken and I’m certainly capable and strong enough to create beautiful new memories and a life just for myself. Where I’m allowed to be happy.
Which is why, I am now already planning my next adventure. One I never thought I would ever consider, but one I don’t think I’ll ever regret. For as long as I can remember I have always loved France and the lifestyle in Europe. It oddly just feels like home for me, every time I’ve been to Europe I just fall more and more in love with everything there. So, as of April next year I am going to be living in Paris for three months, and then after that just see what happens. I have always wanted to spend a long period of time there, Ben always hated the idea, so now that it’s just me I can’t think of any reason not to and the moto of life in a way has turned into ‘why not’. I’m of course so nervous, but really excited about such a personal challenge (it was this or an Ironman triathlon!). And for the first time in honestly years, I have never been this excited or sure about anything. I will of course still be working on MFS while I am there, and can’t wait to share Paris and my other travels with you. This really has been a year of extreme change, it’s been so hard, but it’s now time for me to look after myself and fully embrace my Fresh Start. Paris will forever hold a piece of my heart, and I’m just so lucky and thrilled that I’m able to chase a lifelong dream there next year. xo